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A cute Joke

09-Mar-06 09:16:19 Bookmark and Share

A cute Joke
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

* Gallon of low fat milk

* a carton of eggs

* ½ gallon orange juice

* a head of lettuce

* half a dozen tomatoes

* a jar of coffee

* a pack of bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, A
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front
of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated,"You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly
unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to her
marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you
know what,you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"


The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."



10-Mar-06 12:56:46 |

lol :-D

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one student rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

posted by teacher99


11-Mar-06 09:08:11 |

Thanks Teach LOL
Thanks Teach LOL
I love Teachers I was Teachers Pet in many classes

posted by BingoT


05-May-06 21:45:12 |

Re: Thanks Teach LOL
[quote:6804719651="BingoT"]Thanks Teach LOL
I love Teachers I was Teachers Pet in many classes[/quote:6804719651] Haha pretty much every teacher besides my gym teacher (the only class i like) hates me. Must be because im either talking or sleeping all class long

posted by Biggie


05-May-06 22:38:32 |

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some f*in’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more f*in’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the f*in’ French toast."

posted by simpsonsrule


06-May-06 12:45:02 |

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.

The father said to his son, "go get your mother!"

posted by Biggie


06-May-06 13:57:42 |

A man has six children...

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home now Mother of Six?"

His wife, finally fed up with her husband shouts back,

"Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

posted by Jacer17


10-May-06 09:04:53 |

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

I don't agree, but this is the world funniest joke according to this article
http://archives.cnn.com/2002/TECH/science/10/03/joke.funniest/

posted by bingoadvantage


03-Jun-06 22:00:34 |

Lawyer
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

posted by simpsonsrule


21-Jun-06 10:38:32 |

LOL
Smartest Man in the World
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."

posted by teacher99


17-Jul-06 19:48:18 |

That is great it gave me good laught. It is a bit mean but I like it anyway. Nice work.

posted by ebittner


04-Aug-06 09:56:27 |

Joke of the month in the [url=http://www.bingoadvantage.com/games/]free games[/url] section -

My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather. (Jackie Mason)

posted by bingoadvantage


18-Apr-08 00:09:44 |

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.

Sincerely,

Mr. Wally Underpants
President and CEO of Wal-Mart Complaint Department.

MEMO

Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints -

15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And; last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"


posted by bingoadvantage


20-Aug-08 08:16:16 |

When you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray!

posted by bingoadvantage


20-Aug-08 23:53:36 |

cute chris!!! lol  Laughing

posted by janlynnv


21-Nov-08 00:22:47 |

Interviewer: "To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire"


posted by bingoadvantage


21-Nov-08 09:14:07 |

Me...addicted?

I only play bingo on days that end in Y. Laughing


posted by acer47


19-Jan-09 12:12:30 |

lol acer

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C. 

The Russians used a pencil.


posted by bingoadvantage


19-Jan-09 12:15:38 |

another one

 A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” 

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”


posted by bingoadvantage


01-Apr-09 06:17:56 |

LOL i read this at 11.15a.m 2 day it started my morning off laffin, hubby must of wondered what was going on.Wink

posted by cuppa


07-Jul-10 15:02:56 |

Here is one my father told me a few weeks ago.  I don't know if I can do it justice since alot of hilarity is in his performance.

In June Miss Fenton starts going for a walk every day during the week on the advice of her doctor.  Every time she goes for a walk to passes Mark's Curios shop.  In front of Mark's Curios is a 20 year old African Grey parrot.  When she passes the parrot she says "Hello" in a mock parrot voice and as she passes it, "STUPID" squawks the parrot.  After that, every time Miss Fenton passes the parrot it squawks "STUPID".

Before long, the shop-owners catch on and Miss Fenton finds herself greeted by a half-dozen grinning shop-keeps and some of their customers.  Already annoyed by the parrot, this newfound notoriety puts her over the edge.  She storms into Marks Curious and demands that he do something about his parrot or she will literally wring it's neck.  Mark feels bad for Miss Fenton and promises that it will never again call her stupid. "We'll see" she declares and leaves in a huff.

The next day Miss Fenton finds a large audience of bright eyed vendors and a slightly bedraggled parrot.  She holds her breath and haltingly walks toward the parrot but is stopped dead in her tracks when the parrot looks her in the eyes and squawks "you know what" with a nod.


posted by bingoadvantage


21-Jul-10 13:27:55 |

realy funny joke i laughed alot

you are funny dude 


posted by moonlight6881


22-Jul-10 11:30:31 |

The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it. The most popular of these scams is called Social Security

posted by bingoadvantage


10-Dec-10 11:03:33 |

HAVE WE GOT BIG MONEY BINGO TONIGHT CAN YOU LET ME NOW THANKYOU


posted by daffodilpat


10-Dec-10 15:30:12 |

Hi daffodilpat - yes, sorry i didnt check the forums before I ran the games.


posted by bingoadvantage


13-Apr-11 15:38:15 |

Doctor Smith's wife looks concerned when is cell phone rings one Thursday evening  in the middle of dinner.  "We need another player for poker" says a colleague.

Doctor Smith looks at his wife grimly and answers "I'll be right there."  As he is leaving his wife asks "Is it serious?"  "Quite serious" he tells her "In fact, there are three doctors attending already!"


posted by bingoadvantage


13-Apr-11 15:38:52 |

ooops fixing it since my last post seems to have broken the form

posted by bingoadvantage


23-May-11 17:03:31 |

Just heard former Big Brother contestant Imogen Thomas has got a secret singing career.

Apparently she's been doing gigs in Manchester for ages.

Stephen


posted by Play4Bingo


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